Posted by Candice Watters on July 6th, 2009 at 1:51pm
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In my younger years, I often dismissed any type of cosmetic surgery (for both men and women). But then I kept hearing stories about how some (mainly women) were "much happier" after having cosmetic surgery done. For example, this one lady at my church had a stomach staple done a few years ago. She lost over 100+ pounds and has since been married for a couple of years. I don't believe that she's naive enough to deny that the surgery helped her find a mate....

If there are traits that make someone more desirable, is it sinful to pursue those? We tell both women and men to wear clothes that look good on them. Some men and women wear perfume/cologne in part attract the opposite sex. So even though surgery sounds extreme (which it is), I wonder why that should be taboo.

Posted by Candice Watters on July 3rd, 2009 at 1:50pm
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Posted by Candice Watters on June 8th, 2009 at 8:21pm
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lmost every Saturday, my walking partner and I meet at the local river walk and hike our way through its twists and turns for about an hour. It goes rapidly because we use it as a time to talk and catch up with each other’s life. When she’s not there, I usually opt for something less involved, or worse, no exercise at all.

There’s something about partnering that helps me. On this long and often difficult walk of singleness, I’ve found that the same principle applies. A few years ago God laid it on my heart to seek a prayer partner. Serendipitously, my friend Ayesha was looking also, and approached me with the idea of becoming mine. She and I had been friends since college, when we met on a semester long trip to Central America. She was great fun, and I marveled at her unique relationship with the Lord. She introduced me to creativity in worshipful dance and mystery in prayer. I found her down to earth and non-religious approach to God refreshing.

As our relationship grew, we began to share our hopes and dreams, failures, successes, and especially our desire for strong men of God to become our husbands. She told me about her faith chest, where items bought or acquired for marriage are stored as an action of faith before God. I created my own, dropping in a book or two, a man’s clothing item given me from someone who thought I was already married, and wedding magazines.

Whenever I share a shameful story of failure or weakness, Ayesha never judges me; she simply encourages me to keep trying. Not only that, she always has my back. Once when she visited my home, a harmless yet slick neighbor we called “Gator” was trying his best to get me to come talk to him alone. Ayesha stood giggling beside me, pretending to misunderstand his cues for her to exit and give us privacy, she quietly refused to leave my side. He finally gave up and walked away while we entered the house laughing like girls. She’s even boldly called to check on me when I’m spending time with male friends she knows I may have trouble setting boundaries with. She gently but consistently keeps me accountable by reminding me who I am and whose I am.

Today, we commit our requests to God on a weekly basis. When my faith falters, she continues to model her trust in the good things our Father will one day bring into our realities. In return I enjoy offering back her gifts of friendship and sisterhood.

I am better because of her. We all need an “Ayesha” in our lives to push us along, laugh and cry with us—someone to bundle our supplications up with and send them on to Heaven.

“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: 
If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up!” (Ecclesiastes 4:9,10).

Two are better than one. Even when you’re single.

Posted by Candice Watters on June 3rd, 2009 at 2:18pm
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Posted by Candice Watters on May 26th, 2009 at 8:50am
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Posted by Candice Watters on May 26th, 2009 at 8:49am
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r. Brad Wilcox, one of the top family scholars in America, answered some questions from Steve about how couples go about forming families today and the role parents, pastors and mentors can play in supporting them.

In the midst of his wise comments, he had this to say:

"Paradoxically, couples who understand that marriage is about many different goods in life (not just an intense emotional relationship) are more likely to enjoy a happy, lifelong marriage than couples who see marriage through a soulmate lens."

To read the whole interview, go here.

Posted by Candice Watters on April 27th, 2009 at 10:21am
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I'm not sure it will do any good to ask God to take away your biological urges. After all, He created you to have them, and to have them for a purpose. Your biological promptings are linked to God's design. Your digestive system gives you hunger pangs to let you know your body needs more fuel. Your nervous system prompts you to remove your hand from hot appliances. Your sexual desires can be manipulated in many ways, but at their core, they are designed by God to prompt you to be united in the one flesh union of marriage.

Posted by Candice Watters on April 24th, 2009 at 1:03pm
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Posted by Candice Watters on April 23rd, 2009 at 4:55pm
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My inbox is full this week of letters from women like you wondering how they can hold on to their good friendships with men who've recently let it be known that friendship is all they're looking for. I can understand your desire to still spend time with one or both of these friends because up till now, they've filled an important role in your life. ...

Friendship is great. It can be a strong foundation for a romantic relationship. I even talk in Get Married about how women often overlook men in the "just friends" category as potential husbands. But if a friendship has stopped progressing from "just friends" to something more — especially if that male friend has come right out and said he does not want anything more (read: romantic) — then at that point, the friendship can go from promising to poisoning.

What does it poison? Opportunities for marriage to someone else.

You can read the full question and answer in "The Poison in 'Just Friends.'"

Posted by Candice Watters on April 17th, 2009 at 10:50am
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1. Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies by Steve and Candice Watters
2. Get Married: What Women Can Do to Help it Happen by Candice Watters
3. Radical Womanhood: Feminine Faith in a Feminist World by Carolyn McCulley
4. The Marriage Turnaround: How Thinking Differently About Your Relationship Can Change Everything by Mitch Temple
5. Just Do Something: How to Make a Decision Without Dreams, Visions, Fleeces, Open Doors, Random Bible Verses, Casting Lots, Liver Shivers, Writing in the Sky, etc. by Kevin DeYoung