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Added a post Aug 7
thank you for your response. I am actually working on something for women's ministry that will help us have real community. Reply »
Started this discussion. Last reply by LadyElaine Aug 7.
I am attempting to come up with ideas for how to foster and create relationships between couples and singles, but I think it's key to figure out what misperceptions and stereotypes are out there that can be walls to real community. So, I am asking singles: what misperceptions do you think couples have about singles? What do you want couples to know? What are your expectations for being friends with them? I am also asking couples: What misperceptions do you think singles have about couples? What do you want singles to know? What areyour expectations for singles? Also, what activities would be helpful in bringing out real dialogue about these things? Any input would be helpful Reply »
Added a reply Jul 8
I apologize if I came off as condescending in my response, as that was not my intent. I was not trying to talk to you as if you were immature and you were a new convert as well. What I was emphasizing the need of community(being more than the two of you) to get involved on this. I was NOT trying to imply that in some way or shape or form that you couldn't handle it. Yes, I know very well what it feels like to walk alone, but please remember that is one of the lies the enemy likes to feed us---that we are alone in our convictions, or that you are too trusting. Yes, he does need someone to hold him accountable for his actions, and it can't just be you, as this is something that was not merely meant for your shoulders alone. No, you are not crazy to feel this way or to feel grieved. And by the way, just because it seems that no one is seeing underneath the false image he projects, doesn't mean that God doesn't see. Also, I believe that if someone is admitting they have a problem and they're doing the same thing over and over again, then, as you said, he still is under a stronghold---something he clings to give a false sense of security and to maintain his false image. I believe that God will destroy the false gods we put up in our lives (self-esteem, fear, anger, lust) in order to bring back the attention and worship to Him. Please understand that giving up on someone means that you simply believe the circumstances are bigger than God. It means that you have stopped believing and trusting God for that person's deliverance and restoration. To end contact with a person doesn't automatically mean that you've given up on someone---it may very well mean that you have finished your part in that process. And from what i'm reading, ceasing contact with him might do him well to learn to depend on God, as his struggles imply a need for serious Biblical counseling. But of course, he must choose to do so. You can give all the resources and connnect him with godly men. Christ... Reply »
Added a reply Jul 7
Jan, Please let me clarify. I ask these questions because I was trying to get an accurate picture of what's going on. I was NOT, in any way, trying to attack you AT ALL. I am glad that there are godly women out there who are taking a stand for purity, integrity, and accountability in relationships. That is not the issue here. Let me address your points, one by one: 1) You are concerned about your brother's maturity in Christ. That is a noble concern, to be sure. You say that you are to be your "brother's keeper." You also say that he is "young in the Lord" and that he needs to be delivered of many "sexual perverse spirits" that still hang around and cause his behavior. So, from what I understand you're saying that he is still in bondage to these spirits, which is the cause of his behavior. Is is just this bondage that is causing his behavior, or is it his carnality AND the spiritual bondage he is under? I am asking because it means that either way, he must be involved in the process of deliverance. As you said, he must confess his sin, turn away from it, and take steps to move forward from destructive patterns, doing God's Word. However, one thing is clear: You are ONLY responsible for telling him, warning him, praying for his repentance and restoration---you cannot FORCE or make him turn away from his sin or be convicted by it. If Christ dwells within him, and he is a believer, then somewhere in his heart, there should be guilt or conviction. In regards to his discipline, that is a responsibility of the leadership of the body of Christ. Also, I am learning that it is sometimes easier to receive correction from a fellow man than it is a fellow woman--not a statement that what's being expressed is different, just a matter or validity. As a woman, sometimes it's easier to hear something from a woman than a man(because a woman knows better than a man what's it like to be a woman, and vice versa). I am not saying that it's right, I"m simply saying that may be a re... Reply »
Added a post Jul 7
Before I respond to this, I have a few questions: 1) Is this a brother in the Lord you're attracted to/interested in? 2) Are you annoyed by this behavior because he's paying attention to others and not you? 3) Are these photos of a graphic and sexual nature? Furthermore, I have another follow up question: If this is the general gist of photos and correspondence on flickr, then why are you still subscribing to the service? Reply »
Added a post Jun 30
I agree with melissa. There is a difference between showing yourself to be open and approachable and being desperate. One simply repsonds to action and keeps it moving. The other borders on cyber stalking and the paralysis of analysis (i.e., "what did he mean by that emoticon?") Guys are clear when they want to be and not clear when they don't want to. Reply »
Added a reply Jun 24
SarahJane: I"m glad that you enjoyed "Get Married", but I really am not a fan of the book(although I do believe in a support network and encouragement for women, otherwise I wouldn't be on this site). Maybe you could go through a Book of the Bible or do a type study in the Book of Proverbs(Lady Wisdom vs. Lady Folly). I'm sorry that Captivating didn't do much for your group---I think some of the things that text addresses should really be addressed within the confines of Biblical counseling. I am thankful that you are starting to see the fruits of Bible study fellowship, as they can be great vehicles for community, which involves the connection of living, daily struggles/challenges, and dreams. Our small group is currently studying Romans 8, verse by verse, and it has been very beneficial. Reply »
Added a post Jun 17
Ok...I need some answers for clarity's sake: Are you moving because this relationship is guaranteed to end in marriage or because you believe strongly it is headed in that direction? If so, has he discussed when he wants to get married? What was your family's response to your decision? Reply »
Added a reply Jun 17
I don't think there's a magic checklist for it. But I do think that we should go to God for wisdom on this. We should look at our experiences and our ideas about what we find appealing and ask the question why? to God. If you like a guy, why do you really like him? What do you seem to "connect" on? Observe his: social habits(his friends, hobbies, and the manner in which he pursues both); how he relates to others versus how he relates to you; this is especially telling in regards to how he relates to the women in his family. professional habits: ask questions about where he wants to be in a few years, and his plan(if he has one). Also observe if his behavior shows any initiative or drive towards that goal. And of course, one of the most obvious: What are his goals/priorities? How does he spend his time?(Goes back to the first portion) spiritual habits: What is his understanding of what it means to be a Christian? What does it mean for him to know God and have a relationship with God? What is his understanding (and habits) of prayer, worship, and prayer? How does he handle having conversations about his faith and his life? physical habits: Is he prone to overeat? Not exercise? What does he enjoy food-wise? How does he deal with those who are not as fit(or more ) than he is? Does he physically push his limits or put his health on the backburner for something he deems more important? Reply »
Added a post Jun 6
I would also recommend any books on being a godly woman and having an understanding of Biblical sexuality... Reply »
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