Need advise or affirmation... :)

Before I respond to this, I have a few questions:
1) Is this a brother in the Lord you're attracted to/interested in?

2) Are you annoyed by this behavior because he's paying attention to others and not you?

3) Are these photos of a graphic and sexual nature?

Furthermore, I have another follow up question:
If this is the general gist of photos and correspondence on flickr, then why are you still subscribing to the service?

1. I am interested in my brothers maturity in Christ - I am supposed to be my brothers/sisters keeper. I wish there were men that would hold him accountable & perhaps he would listen to them (instead of a woman).

2. No I'm not annoyed because he is not paying "that kind" of attention to me. I do not want that kind of attention from any man (it is the flesh for sure). This type of behavior from both parties is not of God - it is of the flesh & I do know the difference - that is why I am so grieved in my spirit as I'm sure HE/Holy Spirit is also since He lives within me. I'm feeling His grief also. In other words, if I'm this grieved of the behavior of both parties then I'm sure the Holy Spirit is grieved way more than I am.

3. These photos show parts of him that should be hidden for his future wife. It is like a Godly woman going around with her cleavage showing all the time & dressing seductive. I have told him the way he dresses makes me stumble I can imagine how others stumble also. When it is right in your face & he keeps doing it - that makes me perceive he is doing it for attention - perhaps subconsciously but none the less - he is still doing it even when I have called him on it more than once. You dress like a whore you will get a whore monger. This man has come out of a very perverse sexual lifestyle & was severely damaged - probably the only reason he stopped & gave his life to the Lord. He is young in the Lord & that is why I am merciful but he needs to be delivered of many sexual perverse spirits that still hang around & cause this behavior. I feel as his sister in Christ I should be able to show him scriptures & hold him accountable as we all should be to one another. I do not sugarcoat anything with this man & do not flatter him - seems my job is just the opposite of how all other women treat him.

I subscribe to flickr for storage of my photos online. I am not aware that this is the general gist of flickr. I know there is a dark side to flickr but I have never gone there. Just like with the internet - there is a lot of Godly things here & a lot of wicked/evil things here & I enjoy the good/Godly things available on the net.

I suppose I should not have even asked because seems I'm having to prove myself for an honest answer. I am asking a simple question & being questioned about why I asked the question as if I'm the problem. Everything is upside down these days but I thought I would be well received by my Godly sisters not questioned like I am a criminal turning states evidence on another criminal. Whatever... :(

Jan,

Please let me clarify. I ask these questions because I was trying to get an accurate picture of what's going on. I was NOT, in any way, trying to attack you AT ALL. I am glad that there are godly women out there who are taking a stand for purity, integrity, and accountability in relationships. That is not the issue here.
Let me address your points, one by one:

1) You are concerned about your brother's maturity in Christ. That is a noble concern, to be sure. You say that you are to be your "brother's keeper." You also say that he is "young in the Lord" and that he needs to be delivered of many "sexual perverse spirits" that still hang around and cause his behavior. So, from what I understand you're saying that he is still in bondage to these spirits, which is the cause of his behavior. Is is just this bondage that is causing his behavior, or is it his carnality AND the spiritual bondage he is under? I am asking because it means that either way, he must be involved in the process of deliverance. As you said, he must confess his sin, turn away from it, and take steps to move forward from destructive patterns, doing God's Word. However, one thing is clear: You are ONLY responsible for telling him, warning him, praying for his repentance and restoration---you cannot FORCE or make him turn away from his sin or be convicted by it. If Christ dwells within him, and he is a believer, then somewhere in his heart, there should be guilt or conviction. In regards to his discipline, that is a responsibility of the leadership of the body of Christ.

Also, I am learning that it is sometimes easier to receive correction from a fellow man than it is a fellow woman--not a statement that what's being expressed is different, just a matter or validity. As a woman, sometimes it's easier to hear something from a woman than a man(because a woman knows better than a man what's it like to be a woman, and vice versa). I am not saying that it's right, I"m simply saying that may be a reason why there is resistance on his part. Plus, is this someone you are in a close relationship with and that you interact with on a regular basis, or is this someone who you notice is "out of line" and needs to be corrected?

2) You are grieved by this young man's actions, as is the Lord and the rest of the body. It is a sign of maturity that you are grieved by sin. I pray that your grief will take you deeper into intercession and supplication for his deliverance. That being said, do not take this on your own. Talk to one of the male leaders in the church (who has demonstrated consistent discretion and maturity) and explain the situation. Continue to cover this in prayer, trusting that God will have His way. Accountability is a CORPORATE thing, as you said. Being a Lone Ranger when it comes to this issue would do more harm than good.

3) It's good that you don't sugarcoat anything. But just because you don't sugarcoat anything doesn't justify rudeness or harshness, and sometimes can create an opportunity for offense and strife. We are to discipline IN LOVE. I am not saying that you don't call a spade a spade, but when you do engage in such confrontation, be sure you are communicating in a way that is not an attack or disrespectful. To do so would guarantee that the damage and wounds this young man is dealing with will continue to be covered by offense.

4)I get the flickr thing about online photos. Again, I was not trying to question you attack you. I pray that you will find a community of women(your age and older) to walk through this with you,and I pray the same for the young man as well.

I know that I cannot force anyone to do anything & never had that in mind - of course if that were possible with man/woman we would not need God - now would we. You offend me with the way you talk/type to me - it is very condescending for sure - like I have no idea what is going on here or what I am doing - some of the things you bring up here are very rudimentary in the faith - like I am a baby on milk & I will guarantee you that is not the case with me.

Of course (as I said in my first post) - men usually take things better from a man - that is something I am very aware of. I am in another state & I do not go to this man's church but he goes to a church that probably does not believe in deliverance per se - he is of the Baptist organization.

Maybe know one sees the photos he posts of himself constantly - he admits to me he battles with pride & arrogance but seems no one holds him accountable except me probably because none of the Godly men see these photos like those on his/our contact list on flickr.

This man knows where my heart is in regard to his behavior & that it is not about me. I sometimes want to turn my back on him & walk away but the Lord won't let me - haven't you had anyone in your life that God crossed your path with & you knew why but it was not always a pleasant experience & you were sickened by their sin. The gift of discernment is not always a joyful experience & most people don't receive rebuke, reproof & correction very well - not many are humble these days. I do realize where he has come from & is most certainly not free yet. I'm not sure he realizes what he is doing until he is called on it - if he does realize what he is doing he is very needy & insecure. I understand immaturity but disobedience to the Word of God which is used as correction is some thing to fear when not heeded.

I do pray for him - I have battled for his deliverance but maybe not as much as I need to - I did join the group here about praying for the men friends in our lives.

I have broke fellowship with him before which just means no communication & he can say really hurtful things because he is very narcissistic - again, I'm not sure he is even aware of what he does. When I chose to communicate with him again he told me he was glad we had reconciled. He needs someone to hold him accountable on his behavior - especially a very Godly man that walks a straight & narrow path - just because he is in church does not mean the men he fellowships with are truly Godly men - they could be carnal too. Yes, I believe it is carnality also - how could it not be.

I just wanted just some affirmation from Godly women that I am not crazy when feeling this way - I know it in my spirit but seems no one else that continually strokes him sees it for what it truly is - and I am too trusting - when people say they are Christians I believe them but much to my dismay a lot of the times it is not true.

He has also told me that what I say is usually true & that I can read him like a book but that it gets under his skin. I know it gets under his skin & makes him angry because he used to revile back at me when I would correct him with scriptures. He realizes what I'm saying is correct, true & Biblical but it makes him angry. It was a great step for him to confess that too me & I thanked him for it. We have progressed in this way but he keeps repeating the error of his way over & over. He did tell me he was bi-polar & sometimes I think he may use that as an excuse for his behavior because it is a convenient out for bad/unacceptable behavior in a Godly man. I just want him to be what God has called him to be & there is definitely lots of potential there but he needs so much attention that he resorts to getting it negatively & then complains to me that he is so busy & can't keep up with his job - it is just very out of balance.

I apologize if I came off as condescending in my response, as that was not my intent. I was not trying to talk to you as if you were immature and you were a new convert as well. What I was emphasizing the need of community(being more than the two of you) to get involved on this. I was NOT trying to imply that in some way or shape or form that you couldn't handle it.

Yes, I know very well what it feels like to walk alone, but please remember that is one of the lies the enemy likes to feed us---that we are alone in our convictions, or that you are too trusting. Yes, he does need someone to hold him accountable for his actions, and it can't just be you, as this is something that was not merely meant for your shoulders alone. No, you are not crazy to feel this way or to feel grieved. And by the way, just because it seems that no one is seeing underneath the false image he projects, doesn't mean that God doesn't see.

Also, I believe that if someone is admitting they have a problem and they're doing the same thing over and over again, then, as you said, he still is under a stronghold---something he clings to give a false sense of security and to maintain his false image. I believe that God will destroy the false gods we put up in our lives (self-esteem, fear, anger, lust) in order to bring back the attention and worship to Him.

Please understand that giving up on someone means that you simply believe the circumstances are bigger than God. It means that you have stopped believing and trusting God for that person's deliverance and restoration. To end contact with a person doesn't automatically mean that you've given up on someone---it may very well mean that you have finished your part in that process. And from what i'm reading, ceasing contact with him might do him well to learn to depend on God, as his struggles imply a need for serious Biblical counseling. But of course, he must choose to do so. You can give all the resources and connnect him with godly men. Christ may have opened his prison door and loose him from his chains, but he must walk out.

Hey sis,

If you've told him how you feel, you can only do so much. Unfortunately a lot of people who go to church are not really saved (or not being taught godliness in their local fellowship.)

It's crazy that this bro is getting away with this. But, we don't know if he is rejecting counsel from men.

I say pray for him and these ladies and let God do his thing in their hearts. Worldliness is still an influence in these folks lives.

I'm glad that you are taking a stand for holiness and continue to live your life unto God. :)

Thank you for responding & I had to break fellowship with this man & you are totally right in that a lot of people "think" they are saved but so many other things so they are not. It just got to the point that I was so grieved & sickened by his continued actions that I turned away as well I should. I have warned him over & over & used the Word to rebuke, reprove & correct & he is a mocking fool - very sad & fearful place to be with God. I feel free of something demonic that was trying to pull my standards down & there is nothing more I can do but God has assured me there is discipline & chastisement on the way for him. HE also said He is on my side.