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Posted by Candice Lea on June 11th, 2009 at 4:18pm
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“…the anxiety that shadowed too many of my days was that I should miss the path of righteousness. Better that anxiety, perhaps, than a cavalier carelessness, but the years since have proved to me over and over again that the heart set to do the Father’s will need never fear defeat. His promises of guidance may be fully counted upon. Does it make sense to believe that the Shepherd would care less about getting His sheep where He wants them to go than they care about getting there?” ~ Elisabeth Elliot, “Passion and Purity”

As a child, I remember my mother tucking me into bed, assuring me that planes really don’t fall onto houses very often, and that the trains I heard in the distance were much to far away to run into the house.

As I grew up, I learned Christ’s teaching on worry. We can’t make ourselves grow more with worry or make ourselves live any longer. Besides, perfect love casts out fear.

When I became a woman, I put away childish things. I think little of airplanes that pass by over head, and I find the sound of train whistles very soothing.

But though my childish fears were uprooted and thrown away, I have found that the fertile soil of my mind has sprouted new life.

While my earlier worries were obvious weeds in my spiritual garden, these new ones look suspiciously like the cultivated plants. After all, is not the desire for God’s will quite holy?

Yet, as I have examined this plant, I have found that its roots go down to a different system than those of the other garden vines. This weed is noxious, chocking out the nourishment from the other plants.

Its fruit looks like a desire for God’s will. But as soon as she who hungers for righteousness takes a bite of it, she finds her mouth full of bitter fear.

How do I know God’s will? What if I do the wrong thing? What if I fail?

I have found that life is a labyrinth of hallways lined with doors, with each door leading to yet another door-lined hallway. There have been times in my life when I have ran up and down a hallway, trying each door only to find it locked, beating upon the doors, crying out for God to let me out. But as terrifying as this scenario might seem, there is another situation that is far worse.

God always opens a door, and in the moment I am overwhelmed with joy and peace. I am out of the hallway, and I know beyond any doubt that I have done God’s will. After all, He only opened one door.

The waking nightmare that haunts my sleepless eyes these days is not the hallway with no way out. Rather, it is the hallway with more than one open door.

I stand there, heart racing, knees trembling, shivering with fear. Which door do I go through? Surely God has one that He has ordained. But which one? I cry out to God, but I hear no answer. I am paralyzed.

I was curled up in bed, reading Elisabeth Elliot’s “Passion and Purity,” a book I’ve long considered a favorite. I had thought about reading it again because it deals with the idea of making choices. And as a 24-year-old college senior, I find my life almost overflowing with choices right now. Then, when three people in three separate situations recommended I read the book in the course of a week, I thought perhaps God was trying to get my attention.

And, as I read the words of the above passage, I understood why.

I realized that God is with me in the hallway.

The hallway isn’t scary. It isn’t dark or dank. It’s lit brightly with the light of Christ.

Sometimes the hallway is right where God wants us. Sometimes we have to wait there for Him to open a door. Sometimes, we have to wait on Him to show us which door to walk through. But in either situation, we have nothing to fear. Our Father loves us. And, like any good Father, in His time, He will take our hand and guide us through the right door.

But until then, it’s okay to stand in the hallway.

Posted by Candice Lea on March 26th, 2008 at 7:14pm
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It is happening. At this very moment...7:52 pm on March 26, 2008, I am writing my first blog. Well, technically it is already 7:53, but you get the point.

I am currently on spring break. I have been busy, but it has been nice just to be at home. My family has looked at several pieces of property this week, but we have not yet found anything especially promising. We did find a small house in town yesterday that would be perfect for our "city house" that we have been considering. My whole family is seeking God for guidance, as we want to serve Him more than anything else.

It seems like life is uncertain most of the time. The house we are renting right now looks like it might be selling, so where I will be living next month is anybody's guess. My family is trying to open our drive-through espresso business. But...the town we are currently residing in does not allow "temporary" buildings. Where we will be able to open the business is also anybody's guess. As I mentioned, my family is looking to buy over 20 acres of land somewhere to start our homestead. We have not decided where yet. So, I do not know where I will be spending my life. I am single...and at this time with no glaring prospects...so I don't know who I will spend my life with either. To some things up...life is uncertain.

Lest you wonder why we don't just up and move, my brother, sister, and I are attending a local college. As it is one of the only tuition free work-study colleges in the nation, we do not plan to move until after graduation.

So, I am living in the land of Limbo. I am trying to pray boldy for guidance...but at the same time I am trying to practice patience. It is working out okay so far. I have moments when I want scream, and then I have moments when I have total peace. I guess God knows how to grow me.

For now, I am trying to rest in the fact that "God work all things together for good..."