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Rachel

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Rachel (RacheyD): 25, Female
United States

Hometown:: Kentucky

Relationship Status:: Single

About Me:: I'm a 23 year old gal from Missouri and, most recently, Kentucky. During the day I try to be the best darn secretary you'll ever meet, while repeating to myself that worldly success should not effect my self-image when my worth is found in Christ. At night, I work as a contract writer to make those pesky little ends meet. I have a broad range of interests/personality quirks, including an addiction to coffee, an affinity for both crazy health foods and deep-fried anything, and a tendency to act like a dumb blonde even though I'm a semi-intelligent brunette. I adore my family (including 9 nieces and nephews!) and have a fantastic group of friends.

Favorite Music:: Oh my...this is always a difficult section to fill out. I love many different types of music, including Rat-Pack/Swing (including the many reincarnations by Michael Buble, Jamie Cullum, et al), 50's be-bop, classic and 80's rock (CCR and Queen, to name a couple.), modern rock/punk, some pop, some country, some contemporary Christian...you get the picture.

Favorite Movies:: I love me a good romantic comedy. Some other fav. genres: heist films (i.e. Oceans 11 or The Italian Job), action films, non-gross-out comedies. Some dramas are good (The Painted Veil is in my top 5 of all time) but for the most part they just depress me. I watch movies to escape reality, not embrace it.

Favorite Books:: Oh, oh, oh....I love reading. I like English literature, with Jane Austen and Wilkie Collins being my favorites. Edith Wharton is phenomenal on the American side. I just started in on some 19th century Russian literature, curtesy of my roommate. Don't get me wrong, though---I'm not above some chic-lit and Christian fiction.

When it comes to non-fiction I really like biographies and history--such as the The Life of William Wilberforce and 1776. Arthur Pink is my favorite theologian, and I also enjoy John Piper and R.C. Sproul. I've read a bit of Spurgeon, because I wouldn't be my father's daughter if I didn't. I've also been edified many times by Richard Baxter, Octavious Winslow and some other oldies.

Favorite Authors:: Oh wait, yeah, just covered that above. Hmm.

Rachel's Groups

Come Out, Come Out, Wherever You Are: (45 members)
Created by Jennifer

Help Get Married: (174 members)
Created by Candice Watters

Fasting for Change: (24 members)
Created by Wendy

Forum

how to get over a guy that broke up with you

Added a post Jul 8 2008

Well, first of all let me say that I'm so sorry that you're going through this. Breakups can be like divorces--you invest your heart, mind and future into someone; you knit yourself to them and when they leave they literally tear pieces of you away. I'm glad that you have moved past some of the hardest times--the severe depression, etc. That's progress! Some recommendations: 1) Take time to heal. I don't know the dynamics of your relationship, but if you had dated for awhile and were extremely close, you will not experience automatic recovery. There will be a grieving period. I used to work for a non-profit organization and trained our counselors to deal with overwhelmed, grief-stricken people. The traditional grief cycle I used for the training (shock, denial, bargaining, etc.) was helpful, but I found one online that fit your circumstances even better. A) SHOCK --Emotional release --Numbness --Lack of appetite or overeating B) PROTEST --Sorrow --Anger --Panic --Searching C) DISORGANIZATION --Yearning --Isolation --Loss of interest in life --Resist return to normal D) REORGANIZATION --Finding new meaning to life --New sense of hope --Decrease of deep sadness --New spiritual growth --Facing reality --Learning to let go --Accepting responsibility It sounds like you're in the second/third stage. You're search for answers, explanation, healing. You yearn for the return of the relationship and want to know where to go/what to do. This is normal. However, you have to focus on MOVING ON. Let yourself process through your emotions rather than clinging to them. But recognize that your grief is natural and that you won't just snap back. 2) Use this time to grow emotionally. Crises will hit you throughout your life. Your heart will be crushed by your spouse, by your friends, by your children---heartbreak is part of the human condition. However, your spirit does not have to be crushed. It can be made stronger. Another thing I taught my counselors is that each i... Reply »

Tagged: recovery

I thought this picture from Flickr was pretty cool

Added a post Jul 8 2008

That is absolutely fantastic. *right click, save to file* Reply »

Length of Courtship

Added a post May 28 2008

I second what Alicia said. :) Also, it depends (for me) on my prior knowledge of and familiarity with the man and his family. As I type this, a man comes to my mind -- purely hypothetically, since there is nothing between us. I met him two years ago, but we attend different churches and haven't had much contact for over a year. However, I am thoroughly convinced of his spiritual maturity and his character. He has an impeccable reputation among our mutual friends and is praised wherever he goes. I've interacted with his family on several occasions and I adore them. No, there were no butterflies when I saw him a few weeks ago, I don't blush when I talk about him, and he's almost the polar opposite from my "type." But if this guy proposed tomorrow I'd accept. For me, dating/courting merely serves as a means to find a spouse (many people I know still desire to date for fun.) I don't want a boyfriend--I want a husband. In the ideal situation, I will date someone only as long as it takes for us to determine whether or not we can commit to a marriage. Depending on the person and surrouding situation that may take 1 month. It may a year, if I have little knowledge of them prior to the dating relationship (which isn't the way I'd like it to happen, but I'll never say never.) All this to say, who knows? There are so many variables... Reply »

Tagged: dating, courtship

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Rachel's Blog

Learning to compromise...

Posted by Rachel on May 23rd, 2008 at 1:00pm
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Last night I made the big move into my new apartment. Aside from a few straggler boxes, and my bedroom/bathroom stuff at my current place, everything is in (unpacked is a different story.) We made it in just 4 trips, thanks to my married/engaged friends who brought along their big, strong men to carry the heavy stuff!

Anyway, so my new roommate and I are settling into our new lives and discussing the decorating of our new condo and it hit me last night---wow, this is going to be really good preparation for marriage.

Now, I've had roommates before. Lots of them. *takes a moment to count* Um, seven, as a matter of fact. (6 roommates in my 3.5 years of college, is that a record?)

In college, the extent of our homemaking efforts was stringing of christmas lights in the window and taping posters to the wall on our "half" of the room. I had little conflict with my roommates and rarely had to negotiate a compromise because of the strange, transitory, blank slate nature of college dorm life. I didn't like purple at all, but I agreed to buy a purple bedspread--I couldn't care less, really. I just don't do lacy, flowery things but I was ok with having a flower garland. And although blue/yellow was a little too country for me I knew it would only be for a semester so I went with it. Really, it was college. It was a dorm room. It wasn't mine and I didn't care.

I've not compromised much with my roommate for the last 4 months either, as it's her house and I really have no say in matters. She's really more of a landlady than a roommate since I have a room/bath in her house with use of the kitchen/common area and I pay rent. It's her place and we knew upfront it would be a short term arrangement until I found another place/roommate.

In between college and the current roommate, I lived alone. I adored it, honestly. My place was very "me." Not a doily or piece of lace in sight (nothing against those things...they're just not my style.) I hung a huge picture of the famous Times Square kiss on my wall, flanked by period portraits of my grandparents. I had paintings detailing vintage fashions, distinctive colors schemes throughout the entire apartment, lots of candles, a coffee motif in my kitchen, a bold black and white look in my bathroom....it was a cross between vintage and modern, had very clean lines and was very much to my liking.

When my new roommate and I began to discuss living together, I described to her my old apartment and the furnishings I had. (she has relatively nothing, as this is her first time on her own.) It was quickly determined that she'd prefer that we go a different route with decorating and colors. I'm really, really ok with that. I want her to be comfortable in our shared space and I am more than happy to move my decorations to my bedroom.

But honestly...at the same time...it's going to take compromise. We have very different decorating styles. We've already disagreed on the furniture arrangement and we haven't even officially moved in yet. We eat different foods, have different interests, are passionate about different things.

But you know what--we have one thing in common: Christ. Last night we spent some time praying together. We prayed that the Lord would bless our relationship as roommates, knit our hearts together, help us communicate effectively, and give us the grace and humility necessary to truly encourage and challenge each other.

I think that this new season of life will be so good for me. I will learn to compromize, I will learn conflict resolution. Hopefully, I'll learn how to stand my ground when I truly feel strongly about something.

So here's to godly roommates, and the lessons that may be learned through them!!

Question for the masses--

How many of you have roommates and what are your best conflict resolution tips?

Lessons from Narnia

Posted by Rachel on May 19th, 2008 at 3:48pm
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*some minor spoilers may follow!*

I saw The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian this past Saturday—twice, in fact. Obviously, to say I enjoyed it would be an understatement. It was fantastic just for it’s own sake—a darn good movie with breathtaking visuals, heart-racing battles and that wonderful score shared with the first movie that that made my heart clench. However, in addition to being just a great piece of entertainment, it also impressed some truths upon my heart—things that are particularly related to singleness and marriage.

I came away from my two viewings with these things in mind:

1) Live passionately! Both The Lion, Witch and The Wardrobe and this new Prince Caspian serve to stir up my heart toward Christ. Knowing that it was an allegory, I saw the battles and thought of the battles in our world. We are in a battle, ladies. Every day, the forces of Good and the forces of Destruction wage war and we cannot remain passive. We are on the winning side, we have hope and promise—so let us take up our weapons! After the movie, I felt so strongly that I wanted to fight for Christ, to live only for Him, to pour our my heart in service. While praying toward that end I felt so incredibly fulfilled that I actually thought “I could be single forever, if only the Lord could fill my heart like this.” No, I don’t actually want to remain single but I believe that these years will be much more satisfying for me if I live them for CHRIST and not for myself.

2) God can do amazing things for His people. This actually came from a friend of mine (who shared my second viewing *grin*). As she nears 30, she also struggles with the prospect of a single future and this movie gave her hope. During the final scene, when Aslan calls up the Barracus the river god (not going to give away what he does...) my friend said that all she could think of was God’s mercy toward His people and the wonders He can perform for them. As we talked (commiserated) that night of our singleness she brought up that scene and said “He CAN do it. He can do wonderful things.” We need to remember the greatness, might, magnificence and LOVE of our Lord. I so often loose faith...but now I have that scene to call to mind.

3) Wait upon God. Devastation followed with Peter claimed “I think we’ve waited for Aslan long enough.” Heaven forbid that any of us ever say such a thing! Maybe we meet a guy that we know isn’t God’s will, maybe we make a move to find a relationship that goes against our principles...maybe we just get tired of waiting and loose faith. No matter what, we must always wait upon the Lord. As Lucy said, “Maybe you forget who actually defeated the White Witch?”

4) Follow when He calls. Aslan asked Lucy why she did not come to Him when she saw Him. She protested that no one believed her and He gently rebuked, “but why did that stop you from coming to me?” I moaned at that line. How many times have I resisted following God because of those around me? This applies to every area of my life, but may have some application to the issue of singleness and marriage as well. I must attune myself to God’s voice, study Scripture, pray, and be ready when I see and hear Him.

In addition to learning some lessons...shoot, it was just a GOOD movie! Man. There's one particular point in one of the battles that i just keep replaying in my mind and it still gives me chills. (for those who saw it, the "countdown" and Caspian's underground charge. *shiver*)

Prayer and Fasting...

Posted by Rachel on May 14th, 2008 at 8:59am
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Today is my first day of prayer and fasting--I hope to make this a weekly event, if anyone would like to join me. I am blessed to have a job in which I may read my Bible while at work in the afternoons and I hope to take advantage of that today as well as silent prayer at my desk. Being a godlier woman is my primary focus, with marriage being my secondary consideration. I feel that I must focus first upon my relationship with my Savior before I can begin praying for an earthly relationship.

I'm currently reading "Grace Abounding to the Chief of Sinners" by John Bunyan. Fantastic work! Even in just the first pages I am convicted to truly examine my heart--am I living for myself or for Christ?

________

Along the singleness front, very little has changed. And I'm not going to waste my time wailing about the stagnation so this is me, moving on. *grin*

_______

I'm moving into my new apartment with my new roommate in about a week. I'm so excited about the chance to once again have a place of my own. It'll be wonderful to begin practicing hospitality! If any of you all ever happen to travel through western KY, you should drop in....:)

Hitting a Rough Patch...And Submitting to It.

Posted by Rachel on March 31st, 2008 at 10:48am
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There are times in my life that I am just fine. I can go to a wedding shower without coming to tears on the drive home. I can say "I like my life" and really mean it. I can hear someone say "singleness is a gift, enjoy it!" without envisioning the violent acts I would like to commit against them.

Then there are times that I'm not fine.

I'm in the latter.

Maybe it's hormones. Maybe it's the murky weather. Maybe its the fact that I heard from a friend yesterday and she's engaged. No matter what the reason, today I would chop of a limb if it would induce marriage.

Last night I went to a Bible study...one that is designed for young, married women. (shoot me now.) The lesson was one "Submission" and since I am not struggling with submitting to a husband, I shared that my issue with submission is submitting to God's authority over my life, especially in the area of being single. I struggle accepting where He has placed me and the timing He has instituted for my life story. "What struck me in this lesson is that submission is an attitude," I shared. "It is not a grudging bending of the neck--it's a cheerful bending of the heart. It is the posture of the spirit that matters, not your ability to vocalize 'yes' when you want to say 'heck no.'"

So how is my spirit in this rough patch? Am I submitting to God's authority by being so despondant that I'm still single? Is it enough to say "I submit to God's will, but I can't help it when I'm depressed."?

Here's my problem--if I'm honest, I'd admit that I prefer to be sad and depressed about this. It's easier. It take much less effort to morosely say "Ok God. You're sovereign. I can't do anything about it. So I guess all I can do is wait. Bring me a husband please." That is much easier than abandoning the sackcloth, emerging from emotional wreckage and cheerfully saying "Blessed be the name of the Lord." Depression takes much less effort....but in the end it is much more costly.

What does it mean to truly submit to God's authority in all of my life, but particularly in this area? Any ideas?

Also at the Bible study, we got on the subject of contentment. Now, this is a sore spot for me. I've posted before that I know that marriage doesn't give you an automatic pass to Happy-Land, where flowers bloom and ice cream is free. However...I always have that nagging little feeling that it will make my life a heck of a lot better.

One of the newly engaged girls in the group said--in response to my admission about my struggle with singleness--"The thing is, there's always something more. Once you're dating, you want to be married. Then you want kids. Then you want a bigger house. Then you need a new car."

My first thought? "I should leap from my chair, grap her by the throat and say -- '6 months ago you were crying to me about singlessness over pizza and cream puffs. Don't you DARE tell me to be content now that you're engaged.'"

My second thought? "Violence at a Bible Study--not appropriate."

My third thought? "Well, she would know. She wanted to be married more than anything. Now that she has that, she's still not content. That's a very telling thing."

Contentment is a HABIT, I concluded. It is part of submitting to God's will, recognizing and embracing His love for us and the fact that HE will work things out in His time so much better than my plans could be. I can learn now to be content (actively content, but content nonetheless) or I can spend my whole life wanting that next thing.

So how do I do that? How do I bend my spirit to God's will and develop true contentment?

Arrival!

Posted by Rachel on March 27th, 2008 at 9:15am
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The book arrived today---a day earlier than scheduled. Three cheers for the United States Postal Service! I started today after I got home from work at 5:30...I got around halfway done and intend to finish tonight. Then I"ll go through and read it again, slowly, with pen and Bible in hand.

*EDIT*

Finished the book at around 10 o'clock last night. I would have started my in-depth review last night but I had to take a break in the middle of reading for an hour or so to work on my technical writing job. So, I went later than I had planned.

Anyway.

Looking forward to reading it again.

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At 4:19pm on June 27th, 2009, Leana said: Hi Rachel,

Not really sure what is going on in your life now...as you have not posted anything in a while. I was just wondering if you are still fasting...let me know.

At 11:10pm on October 5th, 2008, Tiffany said: Hi Rachel. Are you still fasting once a week? If you still are I'm very interested in joining you! Let me know!

Blessings!

At 1:29pm on August 19th, 2008, Jadie M said: That was a wonderful post about roommates; you made me wish that I had roommates to compromise with (:

At 6:55am on June 6th, 2008, Melissa said: I read your comment on Missy W.'s blog, and the part about life not really starting until you're married struck me. Of course we have lives and we go out and do things and meet people, but it does seem like we can get stuck in a holding pattern. Right now I'm having a hard time dealing with the fact that being single is not as much fun as being married/coupled. I don't have that person to do stuff with at the spur of the moment, or listen to how my day went. I have friends I can talk to, of course, but they're not consistently there every day. It's only when I'm married that I'll have that oneness with someone, not to mention the family I want someday soon. Waiting is the hardest part.

At 10:07pm on May 20th, 2008, Jadie M said: Isn't that such a great movie? Thanks for the add. I really relate with what you have to say and I can really see the Lord shining through you. God bless!

At 8:05am on May 19th, 2008, Melissa said: WYWS is the best! Don't you want a man like Jack? He's pretty close to perfect!

At 2:49pm on May 15th, 2008, Melissa said: Hi Rachel,
I just wanted to say I enjoy your blogs. I also have a (married) friend who tells me that in every stage of life there's always something else you want. It puts things into perspective, but I can't help thinking that a spouse is the biggest blessing of all the things we want in life.
Keep blogging! :-)

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