Kitty's Page

Settling

Added a post May 15 2008

Hey Camile! Wish I could say, "sorry, never been there--don't know what you're talking about" but the reality is, living a life after Christ will be challenging at times, and you can count it a guarantee that you'll be tempted to "settle" in the face of doubt and uncertainty. One of the things to remember is that whenever you hear the whisper of doubt creep in that sounds like: "Oh, a this rate I'll never get married", or "I haven't met anybody", or "Gee, one more friend is getting married"--anything that resembles that line of thought is from the pit of hell. Remember, your enemy is crafty, and sneaky--he wants to catch you off guard so you'll entertain the thoughts he introduces to you. All he has to do is suggest a lie that seems or "feels" true in your life, and you'll take it from there. Whenever I am challenged in this way, especially when meeting new guys, and trying to get to know them, when I was younger, I wouldn't recognize the quiet and insidious suggestions. I had stumbled many a times, trust me! Went on a date that I should have turned down...or recognized an ungodly character in a potential suitor. The great news is that God has granted us his mighty Counselor--the Holy Spirit to be in and with you always, and when the Spirit speaks you must listen. You'll learn what the Spirit sounds like when He speaks. Now, as I am conscious of my thoughts and work hard to hold every thought captive under the authority of Christ--I can recognize the lies and make better choices to reject those lies. This is hard to do when you are feeling emotional and lonely, but it is at that time that you really need to cry out to your Heavenly Daddy. Sometimes a good cry can take care of that too! I like to make a mental picture of running to my Heavenly Father's lap--with childlike faith and tell him all that is upsetting me. Much like when a toddler or a young child runs to your leg and tells you about someone or something that's done them wrong. Its cute yes, but it is ... Reply »

Divorced Men and Settling

Added a post Apr 5 2008

Hey Melissa, I'm glad you posted this concern for it is one that I often ponder myself. I've decided a relationship with a divorced believer, is not the best fit for me. I can relate to your "dilemma" of whether or not dating/courting with a divorcee is a good idea. I think that for ladies like you and me that have never been married, depending on the individuals, it may not work out. Divorce is a really traumatic experience that takes a lot of time, love, patience, and forgiveness to heal. I'm in the last year of my twenties...lol...and my last relationship was with a christian divorcee, as were subsequently the two relationships before that. Though I was really enjoying a budding friendship with these men, by discovering that they were divorced, the red flags naturally come up. They read more like "Tread carefully--find out why it didn't work out". The circumstances can be sticky, then again they may not. As a believer though, I don't think you should cast out a divorced man (with or without kids) right off the bat, but from experience--I know for a fact I would a appreciate marrying a "never-married" believer. I want the clean slate for the relationship--or as I tell my best friend, I want my future husband to experience the marriage, the kids, and whatever life throws at us with no prior experiences of such. One of the main lessons I've come to learn from those past relationships, is that the men that have already gone through a marriage, the building up of a family, only to feel like a "failure" in the end, regardless of who initiated the divorce--they don't have that same enthusiasm towards their subsequent relationships. Its like they they have a "been there done that" kind of attitude towards a new relationship, or can be mistrustful, and just want a companion without having to invest what they initially invested in those first relationships. When a man you date acts like that, it is hard to get past their fears, and it may take a lot of work. I don't ... Reply »

Tagged: divorced, settling