I just finished a book called What a Girl Wants, my first foray into "Christian Chick Lit," and I have to say I wasn't impressed. The heroine, Ashley Stockingdale, is single, 31, and a Christian. She has a job as a patent attorney in Silicon Valley and loves high fashion, her convertible, and men who look like Colin Firth.
She has feelings for two men, Kevin, a handsome doctor, and Seth, a balding engineer she's known for years through her singles group. Kevin is exciting and attractive while Seth is predictable, yet comfortable. Seth watches The Matrix just about every other night. He uses a coupon when he takes her out for lunch. He's asked Ashley out over the years, but she's either rebuffed him or explained away their time together as platonic. She's holding out for something more, and thinks she might have found it in the "good doctor."
There were several times throughout this book that I found myself wincing. I want to read about how Christian women live today, but I found Ashley to be a bit too much of the world rather than simply in it. A colleague asks her about her sex life; she and a friend buy (heavily described) lingerie to soothe ruffled feelings. Our heroine is celibate, but the ways she chooses to make herself feel better seem to run contrary to good stewardship and the reader's good taste. Something about it felt weird. Maybe I'm looking for someone more demure, because I couldn't identify with Ashley's character.
The one thing I took away from this book is how I should constantly reevaluate my "criteria" for a good man, as Ashley overlooked many qualities that Seth possessed. Ashley seems to think all engineers are boring, but did Seth have a good job? Check. He was bald, but obviously there was some attraction there. Check. He had an affinity for The Matrix, but at least it wasn't some blood and guts movie. Check. He had feelings for her and she for him. Check. Check. 293 frothy pages later, I hope I will never be like Ashley and hold out for some idealized man instead of seeing the good matches right in front of me.
I want to be intentional in my relationships with men. From what I've read, if there's someone in our life we would like to get to know a bit better, we're supposed to gently encourage him and let him know we're interested. I think that's a great idea, but I am in a situation where I don't know if I should do that.
About 2 years ago, my roommate at the time had a male friend visit her. She had a boyfriend (now her husband) and it was completely platonic between her and this friend. Well, I found that I really clicked with him. It seemed like we had plenty of interests in common, so even though he lived several states away, I figured I'd be my friendly self and try to encourage him in case he was interested too. I hung out with him and my roommate and her sister, and took an interest in his grad classes and asked him questions. He came up again a few months later and I acted the same, but he never asked for my contact information. I asked my roommate about him, and she confirmed that he was single.
So I just let it go, thinking it was rare to have such chemistry with a guy, but that he must not have felt the same. I still thought about him from time to time, though. I recently went on a trip to his state and thought I'd send him an email on Facebook to say hi and ask if he lived anywhere near where I was going. He wrote back and said, no, he lived in the other corner of the state, but he asked how I was doing and a dialogue ensued. Then he didn't write back for two weeks and I thought he was done, but he wrote back again, so I answered. At this point a friend asked me if I was forcing things, which I didn't think I was, but when his last email didn't have a question in it, I just didn't reply. That was in March. A week or so ago he emailed me out of the blue asking how my trip was. I emailed back and then on the second email I asked him if he was coming to my state this summer (which I thought was kind of bold! He went to college here and said a couple of times that he loves it here). He said he is, but he'll be in the area where my old roommate lives, about 90 minutes away. This email also didn't have a question in it, so I'm wondering if I should write back or just let it go. He's preparing for the bar exam, so he's really busy right now.
As women, we're really good at analyzing things, so I'm coming to you for help! How do I know if I should stop emailing him back? Should I not answer this last email?
A few months ago, my good friend Alison repeated a piece of advice she had heard. It was to think of each situation as temporary. Nothing's permanent, even the good things. If we can look at everything as fleeting, we can appreciate the value it brings and renew our hope in things to come. I have posted this picture on my mirror to serve as encouragement every morning.
February is actually my least favorite month. It's not because of always being single on Valentine's Day, it's because of the bitterly cold weather and the reminder that winter's not over yet! It doesn't help that the day of love comes midway through, but this year has been quite different from the rest.
Starting after college, I had the tradition of buying myself a rose for Valentine's Day. I could choose the exact color I wanted and the soft petals and musky fragrance always seemed to make me happy. I continued this practice every year, but last year didn't feel the same. After some deliberation, I bought a peach-colored rose at a local flower shop, thinking it was quite over-priced. I brought it home, set it up in a vase on the table, and felt no tangible happiness or peace from it. It was a flower. An expensive one. That I bought for myself. I vowed I wouldn't buy myself a flower to try to console myself on Valentine's Day again. This year, I didn't. And, surprisingly, this period leading up to Valentine's Day has been my best yet. I don't feel sad about being single. I'm not overjoyed, and I wouldn't use the word content, but I'm ...fine. And that's fine by me.
(I've found that when you feel sorry for yourself, thinking about other people is a surefire way to make yourself feel better. This article helped me to realize that I have plenty of people who love me on Valentine's Day).
A few months ago, my good friend Alison repeated a piece of advice she had heard. It was to think of each situation as temporary. Nothing's permanent, even the good things. If we can look at everything as fleeting, we can appreciate the value it brings and renew our hope in things to come. I have posted this picture on my mirror to serve as encouragement every morning.
