Jen's Page

Posted by Jen on May 2nd, 2008 at 6:30pm
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Something has been happening in my life and I felt like I needed to share it with like-minded individuals, and I thought that WPB is a good place to start! It is about a man.

For the past two months or so, I've been attending house church with the co-leader of the Bible study that we lead for freshman girls. The house church is lead by a married couple who go to the church that Sarah, my co-leader, goes to. They have a one and a half year old daughter and a little boy on the way! Very exciting. Anyway, the house church meetings in this particular family were so big that they had to split it up. Therefore, I can go now because it's on Tuesdays instead of Sundays (I attend a different church than Sarah). Anyway, so about two months ago I went for the first time. It was a great experience, small and intimate, and the couple are very dedicated to the Lord. I always come out of the meetings feeling very spiritually refreshed and encouraged.

On that first night, there was a man there that I had seen around before, but had never said anything to. We had never been formally introduced. For the sake of privacy, I will call him Ralph. Ralph is pretty wonderful. He is a public defender, a line of work which I very much respect; it has to do with social justice regarding inner-city poverty and I do have a passion for that. He's 27, so six and a half years older than me, and he has such a heart for God! It was weird, but I definitely felt something when I talked to him on that first day. Now this of course worried me a little bit because I know feelings can often be deceptive so I tried to ignore them. He's definitely not what I'd call very good looking, but he is attractive and there's just something so gentle about him. I'm very drawn to him. In the weeks following that first meeting, I have seen him interact with the couple's baby daughter (he's very good with her!) and he's also a great cook. Me, my co-leader, and one of the girls from our Bible study will be cooking this upcoming week so I am excited for that. This is the first time that I find myself drawn to a man for their character first, really. It's also the first time that I realize I respect him-in a way different from other guys.

There's a few problems. The first is age. I know that 6 1/2 years' difference is not that bad, but it seems it. I consider myself mature for my age and he certainly is mature, but I know he also likes to be playful, as do I. I'm not sure if it's inappropriate or not. I think the age gap feels larger because I will only be a junior in college next year and he's a year and a half out of law school. But he has a job and a house, two pluses. The second is that I'm going away to Scotland for a YEAR next year. That's a long time! Getting to know Ralph has made it harder for me to leave, when I wanted so badly to just a few weeks ago. He'll still be here when I get back, but I don't know. I'm going to miss him a lot. Thirdly, we really don't know each other that well at all. Yeah, we've chatted, but it's hard because obviously I don't see him except for once a week, if that. I feel like this could really go somewhere but I do want to honor God with this. I know that Ralph has to be the one who leads, even in a friendship. I'm struggling with feeling like God just wants me single the rest of my life. No guys have expressed any interest in me since middle school. And Ralph...I just can't place it. I can see in him the kind of man I want to marry, and I think that we could serve God well together. Of course, I'm not the Lord, and He knows best.

Did I mention that I really, really, want this to go somewhere??

Posted by Jen on April 5th, 2008 at 1:15pm
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I am overblown by how faithful God has been in the last few months and weeks. Despite my failure to spend a whole lot of a time with Him, or even in some cases to actually disobey Him in some ways, He has just been so faithful. I am currently doing a personal study on Peter, using examples from passages in Luke and John. I identify a lot with Peter, and studying passages with him in it really helps me to see how Jesus respond to someone like me. He is so human and imperfect, at the same time that he really does want to follow Jesus. We're doing a study on Peter in my church as well. After this, I plan on doing a study of the book of Acts, because I really haven't studied it. Also, it shows Peter in a light at the beginning of the Church when he really does become "the rock" that Jesus predicted him to be.

I have two very exciting things going on in my life in the near future. The first is that I will be working at a Christian retreat center in Colorado! It's hosted by a national Christian organization that has chapters on secular college campuses. I will be working as part of a summer crew made up of about ten other college students. I know that God will work in many ways. Then, I'm off to Scotland for a year abroad in September! I am so happy that God has given me such a wonderful opportunity to serve Him and see how He is working there. And I will be honest, I am hoping that my future husband might be lurking around the corner in one of those places. I'm praying and everything, but I just want to be there. I'm excited about my future, and what God has in store for me, specifically in regards to marriage. And if not...who would say no to Scotland?!

Posted by Jen on March 3rd, 2008 at 7:54pm
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I go to an all women's college, where I am pretty much bombarded by messages of "girl power!" and the like. Sadly and funnily enough, it's not even the most intense of the women's colleges in the area-it's known to be more "tame". As one might guess, there are definitely some "man-haters" and people who are against marriage here, and that can be a little bit of a downer when I tell people, usually ever so slyly, that yes my biggest desire is to get married, and yes, I would like to have kids and stay home with them.

My minor is sociology, and currently I am taking a sociology of the family class at another nearby university. We had to read an article that discusses the tension that modern women are experiencing with wanting in their words, "an egalitarian marriage". They don't want to be forced to stay home with their kids, and they resent men that want that of them. I think that makes sense. My mother was a single mother raising me, and she had no choice but to work. I have a great relationship with her now (even though she is not a believer; that does get frustrating sometimes) and I get annoyed when some Christian women blame single parenthood on the parent's laziness or problems. Most women don't, but I've experienced some who have, and that is not a Christ-like attitude, I don't think. I grew up without a father figure in my life, or really any male figures, and now I go to an all women's college...no wonder I'm awkward around men, haha!

One of the reasons I have a feeling that God has called me to marriage is that I have such a desire for it that in many ways has just snuck up on me. My desire for kids has also--adopted and biological, another post to come on that subject--and I'm greatly looking forward to it. However, something has been bothering me recently. I understand that men should be the primary providers, but why? I mean, I understand different roles and everything, but is it then a sin for a woman to earn more than her husband? Is there a reason why men are appointed for leadership and head of the household roles and women aren't? I have to admit, I struggle to think of God as loving both sexes equally with this situation. I certainly don't think one sex is better than the other-but that's just it. I think women should be allowed to take part in protecting the family emotionally, spiritually, and financially. I'm not sure what God wants me to do for a career; right now I'd be happy with just marriage, but deep down I would also like to work at least a little bit in my lifetime. Am I a feminist, then? I don't like to call myself such, at least not in the abortion-accepting, lesbianism-promoting, man-hating ways that many have come to portray these days. I struggle to think that wanting an egalitarian marriage is a sin, but perhaps I am just a product of my region. My question right now is this: do women who want equal opportunities in marriage sin? I'm not saying women and men are the same and deserve equal everything--but in my opinion, to think that women are "created" to stay at home and not work is ignorant, unfair, and out of sync with historical evidence to the contrary.

PS: Like I said, I want to be a stay at home mom. I just wanted to bring up some questions!

Posted by Jen on February 28th, 2008 at 7:47pm
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I just finished reading Get Married. Or at least, I'm one chapter away from it. I think I have a reading disorder--whenever I say I'm only going to read a chapter, I fail miserably and half the book is gone! I like savoring books, and yet it is so hard. Hopefully that doesn't coincide with other habits in my life...hmm.

Anyway, reading it made me think a little bit more about the kinds of things I am told as a Christian single. I am definitely one of those people who have been told, "Christ is all you need" and "Be complete as a single" which, as mentioned, are both good but I do feel like they lack something. I've read quite a few books that support this notion of waiting on God to do everything, and the authors have really outstanding marriages. I find myself guilty reading a book like Get Married after having read the other ones and appreciating their marriages, too. For me, it's hard because I go to a women's college and I'm very shy around men, both of which add to problems when it comes to interacting with guys. I don't really have one close guy friend at all right now. I have been pondering these things, about which is "right" and I don't think either one is. God does desire marriage for most of us (and thank the Lord He does!). But because I'm so programmed to think the other way, I feel like I'm just being fed what I want to hear by liking this book. Yikes!!